We all have experienced, one day you’re flowing and making progress, you’re very excited and happy. But then your impulses suck your brain and you lose control over yourself. You sabotage your past efforts.
Self-sabotaging comes from hidden counter-intentions or beliefs about ourselves we develop throughout lives. Whenever you want something but have counter-beliefs or intentions, you create cognitive dissonance. This is a sense of discomfort towards what you’re doing, that ends up repelling you from what you were doing. Because it doesn’t align with your self-image. The discomfort ends by sabotaging yourself, bringing yourself back to your habitual self-image, which is a set of thoughts, emotions, and associations.
For your new behaviors to last, you must have harmony between your thoughts and emotions. In self-sabotage, the person has developed beliefs that create negative emotions. These emotions inhibit resourcefulness and the ability to continue toward the goal.
You may not even know what those thoughts are, but I will show you at the end an exercise you can do to expose them.
The way this works is that as you go throughout your life, you guide yourself based on pain and pleasure. We move towards pleasure and avoid pain, and our minds sometimes as a mistake, link pain to good things and avoids them. This is done by unconscious or emotional evaluations, comparisons, judgments, presuppositions, and associations. In self-sabotage what occurs is that one of these unconscious links has emerged to awareness. So you get stuck without moving forward and sometimes not even knowing why.
Here are some examples beliefs you may have formed that hinder you:
Healthy food doesn’t taste that good, unhealthy food is irresistible.
Exercising is painful.
For making progress, you need to struggle.
No pain, no gain.
The key to overcome limiting beliefs is the understanding that nothing is better or worse, our feelings and experiences are. We tie experiences to events, like if they’re the cause, but is not. Our thoughts create emotions that later make our experience. If one thing is better than others, is because of how it makes you feel. All our emotions come from these unconscious evaluations, comparisons, judgments, presuppositions or evaluations. By understanding this, you can take control of what you perceive and control your own experience.
“Our lives are what our thoughts make of it”Marcus Aurelius
Whatever happens, you can redirect it to whatever you want. You are the one who processes events and creates the emotion depending on the meanings you assign. This happened unconsciously before, as you become aware, you can decide what to do with every meaning your unconscious makes. You take things depending on the thought patterns within your mind, the predominant emotions you experience daily. Every event in your life will take the direction of your patterns of thoughts. You can only experience what is in your consciousness. Every reaction is something inside your mind before anything happened.
Think about it, the only reason you give up your diet is that your pattern of thought make you tense. To relieve that tension, healthy food doesn’t satisfy you because your unconscious is comparing it with unhealthy food, because is what you’re used to eating. But if you felt good with healthy food and tension if you were to eat unhealthy food, it will be different, don’t you think? Unhealthy food doesn’t taste better when you want a healthy body and your emotions are with the goal, healthy tastes better. The emotions you feel move into the things you do. You experience the emotions of the things associated with whatever you’re doing.
To put it simply, if being lean feels good to you, anything related to getting there feels good to you. You may say, “how come I wouldn’t feel good to me to be lean? I would feel amazing!”. Wrong, if you don’t flow in the actions to the result, it feels bad to you, because you feel is not who you are, or can’t happen to you.
The secret of healthy people
The secret of people with healthy diets and lean bodies is that they have positive thoughts about their goals. They go about their diets with the state of mind they will have when they accomplish the goals. The same thing you’re doing but on the opposite, they know what they want. This clarity creates emotions, then those emotions get associated with their diets, workouts and whatever they do. The state of tension you changing your diet for them happens if they are not moving to their goals. They get relief when they eat and live well, and because of that, they stick to their diets. Everything is about their goals getting to them, instead of about stopping eating junk food, or stopping being overweight.
What you must do to stop sabotaging your diet is to change your associations.
To change your associations answer these questions:
To change your associations answer these questions:
- How the dream body for you be like? You can use examples of stars, celebrities, and people you know.
- What are the benefits will give you?
- What experiences would you enjoy if you had it?
- How will those benefits, experiences, and your body make you feel in all areas of your life?
Then think about food from the point of being the that has the body you want. Imagine that your dream body is already yours everyday right when you wake up or right before you go to bed. This will help you think and feel like that person automatically. You will feel compelled to eat healthy food often. And you will maintain and enjoy your diet like in the example above. It’s all about your point of view or perception.
If you can associate in your imagination a behavior with a feeling, then you will experience it in reality. If you imagine yourself choosing healthy food, and loving it, feeling fulfilled, that’s how you will live it. You will feel love and fulfillment when anything reminds you of that, and because you want fulfillment and positive emotions, you will seek it. This is the power of disidentifying feelings with their default associations.
Sometimes your self-image may get in the way. The self-image is the image of who you believe yourself to be and what you believe is possible for you based on that. This is the whole of all your self-sabotaging beliefs. A set of patterns of thought in the form of associations, presuppositions, judgments, and evaluations.
But keep persisting through this because it’s temporary. See this as building a habit, whatever you often repeat, it’s 100% guaranteed to become automatic.
Uncover your sabotaging beliefs with these questions:
- What do you believe it takes for you to stick to your diet and lose weight?
- What does each of these beliefs mean for you?
- What made you assign those meanings?
- With what are you comparing changing your eating habits with?
Then after you found why you feel the way you do about weight loss; close your eyes, breathe in and out and focus your attention on your thoughts. See them without thinking about them. You focus on the breath while observing your thoughts like when you look at the sea from a cliff. Negative emotions come from resistance and tensions to thoughts. This is the cure because when you look at something, you stop resisting it, it is only when you run away that runs after you. It is because if you resist you create negative emotions, and that only makes you more aware of it, thus you become it more.
When you do this, you allow your automatic self-sabotaging thoughts to stay without judgment. Which causes the emotion to fade because of your calmness toward them. The blocks came from your want to escape these limiting beliefs, this is a form of judgment. Whatever you attribute to something becomes your reality. When you allow, you calm, and you have dissipated the emotions, and it empowers you to choose.
You choose what you want to experience with your faculty of vision instead of with the past.
Then you can focus on your goal, as described above in step 5 of changing your associations. And your perception will change. Because it will not have an opposite emotion from to contrast difficulty. The difficulty comes from your state of mind, and that state of mind comes from comparing two things. If you’re not, then your mind flow toward the goal.
That’s how a child learns his first language, no pain, and no strain. You don’t see them complaining because they can’t talk. They try to talk, and if they can’t; they let go, allow they’re unconscious to process the information, then they try again. Because they live experience as it is, they don’t suffer the labels that thoughts create as we do.
I hope these tips have helped you, give me your thoughts on the post and what results you’ve got.
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